It’s international Bontle day today!✨✨✨
On this day, 12 years ago at 20:35, I gave birth to a bouncy baby girl. I will sum up my birth story with this: God was in the room because Kirk Franklin’s My Life is in Your Hands played right before Bontle landed.
This entry is not about my birth story but a reflection on my parenting journey.
Parents and parenting figures world wide will agree that raising children is one of the most important and fulfilling but yet challenging tasks to navigate. It is a calling so high and beyond us that we certainly can’t fulfill by ourselves. We need Jesus to be successful in this quest.
Over the years, my parenting ethos have shifted from a place of fear, and militancy to a more mindful approach. With this approach, I’m so grateful to have been empowered with a discerning spirit.
Backstory
When my daughter was born, the climate and environment at that time weren’t my ideal conditions. These were further exacerbated by the passing of my Mother 2 years after Bontle was born. When my Mother died, a part of me died with her. I had no capacity for anything or anyone but with each passing day, I had to unearth the capacity from the empty corners of my soul to serve my siblings and be an engaged mother. I had nothing left in me to give but I knew that I had no choice but to show up…
Because I functioned on survival mode, I had short fuse tendencies which Bontle unfairly bore the brunt of.
But God…
Guided
The shift came when I acknowledged what was and decided to tackle it head on. I resolved that, in order for me to break the cycle, I needed to do something different to what I had been doing. That something required me to dig very deeply from where my soul lurked to bring it back to light.
As I journeyed through the hills and valleys, I started to gain new perspective: the “I” has no home in parenting. Parenting requires “we”, “us” to be effective. The responsibility for effective parenting lies with all of us: mom, dad and child.
In parenting, par has its origins in the Latin word, "parere" and it means “to produce, to bring forth”.
Par is also a root word that means “equal”.
Lights on ✨💡
Honestly speaking, I experienced a lightbulb moment when I realised that parenting is about partnership.
When done right, partnerships become successful because of the clarity each partner has about why the partnership exists in the first place. There’s mutual understanding, respect and trust between the partners. Each person knows their place, position and what’s expected of them. Therefore partnership in parenting does not absolve the parent of their responsibility to guide and nurture.
Seeing my daughter as a partner on this parenting journey has been liberating to say the least. This approach to parenting has held up a mirror back to me, thus teaching me so much more about myself by revealing my blind spots as equally as it spotlighted my strengths.
This, has made me not only a good Mom but a better human being.
So today, on International Bontle Day, I implore you to reflect on your parenting legacy. Does it mirror cohesion or dissonance?
Life with these little ones is a wonderful teacher and a gift. Let’s embrace it openly by breaking down the walls that separate us.
As parents, we are lighthouses and should therefore lead with light 💡 ✨✨✨
Happy birthday Bontle ! Your parents have done a super duper job in raising you. The support they give to you, the freedom to express yourself and the nurturing of your beauty are all noticed as a result. Continue to grow and be an inspiration to many young kids like you. You are destined for great things.
It is true Fifi, that parenting requires partnership. All involved must have a voice. It is the most effective parenting style and creates a thriving environment for kids.