A deep passion for witnessing and experiencing solid family structures exist in our society has long been entrenched in my heart. This was a great yearning of my heart because growing up, the intricacies of my family structure did not provide much of the solidity and grounding I needed. In addition, many examples of family structures within my community lacked what was admirable. Most were characterized by negative attributes such abuse, instability, inequality and prejudice. This led to a decision, at that young age, that I would not marry or have kids. Better to stay single and free, right? Wrong! Well, not for me. Someone stole my heart and I have a family of my own now.
Being married and in a family structure that I am in control of, I quickly realized how important it was for us as a married couple to establish our own grounding guide. My husband and I’s family backgrounds are similar but we wanted something different - something that lacked in our upbringing. A sense of safety, a family environment that embodies compassion, love, kindness and empathy.
It starts with us
To be honest, the realization that we are the starting point of all of these wishes was quite daunting. Because of our backgrounds, we didn’t have the slightest clue where to begin. At the time, we were also navigating some challenging seasons in our life together. We knew we needed help and if we did, other couples might need help too. With this in mind, through perseverance and great resilience, the dream of hosting a marriage retreat came to fruition. The marriage retreat idea took shape in the form of a couple’s weekend away. It was robust and engaging - a time of meaningful reflection and connection. Think of it as team building for couples, similar to what those in corporate have on an annual basis.
This was 5 years ago during Valentine’s weekend. Just before the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic locked us all in. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect! Check out the reflections I shared from the retreat on this video or Village Conversations Podcast Episode.
The Marriage Dance
Fast forward to the 2025 Valentine’s weekend - with our four left feet - my husband got us tickets to what the hosts called “The Marriage Dance”. I must still get over not being afforded the opportunity to connect through dance but we came back armed with reminders from the marriage retreat we hosted 5 years ago.
The Marriage Dance hosted by Mo and Phindi is an annual marriage seminar concept inspired by dance principles.
The key dance principles I took note of were:
1. Stepping on each other’s toes. Mo and Phindi reminded us that, this is nothing strange. In fact, when relationships are new, this is bound to happen quite often, unintentionally (sometimes). When we’ve stepped on each other’s toes, we should not give in or give up. Instead, we should work on things together as this creates opportunities to learn more about one another. In addition, it is important to acknowledge our differences and use them as stepping stones for growth in order to strengthen our relationships.
2. Pace and Energy. We’ve all heard “own pace, own lane” and “good vibes only”. In the context of marriage, Phindi emphasized: “each and every marriage has a unique energy and pace. Don’t compare yourselves to others. Align yourselves to the pace that God has designed for you.” The couple shared that the recipe of a successful marriage requires God at the centre because He sets the pace and the standard.
3. Rhythm. Just like in dance, rhythm is very important. It is therefore important to recognize, understand and honour the rhythm of our marriages. The importance of establishing a good rhythm in marriage extends to creating and defining legacy family traditions. These rhythms are central to creating intimacy between family members, thus improving familial bonds.
4. Structure. In dance, how you stand and position yourself is key. Where there’s no structure, confusion, distraction, chaos are imminent. Structure in a marriage exists to create order. It brings stability, a sense of security and builds confidence. Structure is about creating harmony in the fulfilment of our marital roles. Mo and Phindi urged us to reflect on how the structures we had whilst growing up influenced how we’ve structured our unions.
5. Dancing with your partner in mind. As we move along with life, we need to be cognizant of our partner’s needs and to keep them top of mind. Selfish ambition does not build compassionate, loving homesteads. The essence of love is about illuminating light into another person’s life. The next time you utter the infamous “love and light”, reflect deeply on how you are actively displaying this to the person you are speaking to.
Using these principles of dance serve as a guide to good, Godly marriages. Here’s to dancing our way into joy and love, the way God intended for it to be.
Stay blessed!
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